Kiss
Puke
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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