Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
