so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
