so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
