I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
