I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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