Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
