her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my shit smells like andre
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize