matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the condom got lost in my hair
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
