guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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