After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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