perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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