he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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