I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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