the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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