is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
