Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
