I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
