The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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