omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
