I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
