And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
