She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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