I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
