Betty ford says i'm here all night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
