you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
