im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was born a porn star she said
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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