Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
