Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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