Got a toothbrush?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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