Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
