I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will be naked everywhere
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
