For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
