I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
