My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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