if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize