Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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