Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
