Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
