I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
