i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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