I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
