when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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