The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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