Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
