Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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