Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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