arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
