Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
