moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
