I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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