just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
