I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
