I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
