Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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