I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
