I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
