She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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