Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
