I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
