If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
